Hasta La Ideas

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

The baby industry is overflowing with unnecessary stuff, and I’ve recently found what may be the king of all baby-related unitaskers. Introducing the Itzbeen:

It’s called the Itzbeen because it is a timer that tracks how long it has been since you last fed, changed, or put your child down for a nap. You know, in case your screaming live human infant isn’t a clue that you are neglecting him, or if it isn’t extremely obvious that the breathing lump of flesh next to you is your napping child.

Granted, in a slightly sleep-deprived state, you might accidentally refer to your child by your pet’s name (I’ve definitely done this over the past two weeks), but things like feedings don’t slip though the cracks — your child makes sure of that. And, if you’re so sleep deprived that you don’t remember feeding your child, you shouldn’t be alone with your baby. Hire a babysitter for a few hours instead of thinking this device will be the solution.

Heck, if it’s really difficult to remember when you recently fed your child, you could just write it down.

The following statement from the product description made me laugh aloud:

Wonderful tool to help first-time parents learn the basic needs of a baby.

What?! Are they serious? Do they believe that there are first-time parents out there who are savvy enough to figure out how to use this device but somehow don’t know how to meet their child’s most basic needs?? Hysterical.

The Itzbeen is clutteriffic on so many levels.