Hasta La Ideas

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

A few years ago, my husband and I got rid of all of our dining ware except for our Wedgwood White bone china. Our friends and family graciously gave us the set when we got married, and in more than 10 years we have only lost one bowl due to breakage (and that happened outside, on a brick patio). We use the china for every meal, including meals we serve to our two-year-old son. The stuff is incredibly versatile (tea with the Queen or holding chips and dip during the big game), goes into the microwave and dishwasher, and it has been in production for so long that replacing pieces is simple. I thought I might miss our every-day pottery, but I haven’t. It’s so nice to be able to use the good stuff all the time. Which, is very likely why, I don’t understand the need to own six triangular shaped plates with pictures of pepperoni pizza on them for the sole purpose of serving slices of restaurant-made pizza. Introducing, the Pizza Plates:

In addition to circular plates being qualified to support a triangular slice of pizza, circular plates can also hold square slices of pizza and entire small, personal pizzas. Circular plates can even support TWO slices of pizza. These triangular plates can’t hold two slices or personal pizzas or even one square slice. And what about jumbo slices or Chicago deep-dish style slices? (Jumbo slices, I think, are a DC style, if you don’t know what they are.) There is no way these plates would ever fit a jumbo slice or contain the innards of a Chicago deep-dish slice. Are there ones decorated for vegetarians without pepperoni slices or ones for people who like hamburger or pineapple for toppings? What about vegans who don’t eat cheese?!

Save space in your cupboards or pantry and stick with regular, circular plates that don’t care one bit what style of pizza you prefer to consume or even what food you prefer to consume in general. Circular plates are inclusive and open to all food eating experiences.

Other favorite pizza unitaskers you may remember: The Pizza Scissors/Spatula, triangular Pizza Saver plastic bags, and the highly specialized Double-Deck pizza oven.

Thanks to reader Jorge for introducing us to Pizza Plates.

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