Hasta La Ideas

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week’s unitasker selection is one of those items that I’m shocked we haven’t featured before. It is so obviously a unitasker that I don’t know how we have failed to mention it, or a similar product, until now. Thanks go out to reader Tabetha for showing us the error of our ways.

For your enjoyment at last, the Piggy Wiggy Bacon Fresh Pod:

This is a device (technically, a “pod”) to hold raw bacon. It’s not for cooking bacon in the microwave or anything fancy like that, it’s just for storing raw bacon. Honestly, I don’t even know where you can buy bacon not in a wrapper. Are there guys in back alleys selling unwrapped bacon on the black market? There must be, because every time I’ve bought bacon legally in grocery stores or from butchers, it has come in some type of wrapper worthy enough of storage until I cook the bacon. And, basic science has taught all of us that taking raw foods out of their wrappers increases the likelihood of introducing bacteria, therefore we know to keep bacon in its original wrapper until we cook it. Then, even if you aren’t going to eat the entire lot of bacon all in one setting (which is IMPOSSIBLE), it’s safest to cook up all of the bacon and refrigerate the cooked bacon instead of continuing to store it raw. Which means, unless you’re someone who buys shady raw bacon that doesn’t come wrapped in plastic or butcher paper from guys in sketchy vans, this device is totally a waste of space and money for you.

Another thing, according to the Amazon reviews, this cutie device is actually too short to keep a strip of bacon and you have to scrunch up the raw bacon to get it to fit. Which, well, doesn’t seem helpful or sanitary. On the plus side, after you store your raw bacon and then cook it, you can serve it on this bacon tray. So, there’s that. (Speaking of cooking, I prefer to bake bacon, as it is crispier and creates less mess than frying. Yum, bacon.)

Enough about bacon — if you need a break from the struggles of your day, enjoy this Wall Street Journal piece about humorous product reviews on Amazon.com: “These Amazon Products Are No Joke, But the Online Reviews Are.”

Need help getting organized? Buy the DRM-free audiobook version of Erin Rooney Doland’s Unclutter Your Life in One Week today for only $8.99.