Hasta La Ideas

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Glitter is one of the most evil craft products in existence. Most often, its users are children under the age of 10 who have no business decorating with the vile stuff. Once a glitter container is opened, glitter infects every possible thing it comes near. Does anyone ever garner enough joy from these sparkly bits to warrant the clean up afterward because those sparkly bits get everywhere? My guess is: no.

In an attempt to make glitter less awful, Martha Stewart has created a tacky (in the adhesive sense) cheesecloth and named it the Glitter Cleanup Cloth:

The thing is, though, it doesn’t work. Some glitter gets stuck to the tacky part and then you just use the now-sparkly cloth to push the rest of the glitter around. You end up spreading the glitter, like a bacteria or virus. And, since you can’t wash the cloth, after you’re done “cleaning,” you then become the proud owner of a cloth covered in glitter. Fun! (Actually: not fun. Some of that glitter will eventually fall off and mess up even more of your home.)

Want to know what cleans up glitter well? Vacuum and tape. You vacuum up as much as possible and then you use a strip of tape to pick up the rest. For those rare moments you choose to use glitter (obviously when you have amnesia and have forgotten how messy the stuff is), you don’t have need for a specialized cloth. You probably already own a vacuum and roll of tape, so now is the time to put them to their best use possible and get rid of the glitter.

Honestly, I think the best advice I can give you is to not use glitter. Whomever invented it was clearly a mad scientist insisting on overtaking the world with sparkle. Thanks to the person who tipped me off to this unitasker — sadly, I cannot find our original communication, but I am still very appreciative!

Let Unclutterer help you get your home or office organized. Subscribe to our helpful product shipments from Quarterly today.