Hasta La Ideas

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

For this week’s unitasker selection, I wanted to keep with the April theme of coffee-inspired unitaskers. And, when looking for such unitaskers, my kitchen seemed like the perfect location to find candidates.

I may talk the talk and walk the walk in other areas of my life, but not where coffee is concerned.

Let me illustrate my point: I use the Aerobie AeroPress coffee and espresso maker with a tiny filter to make my coffee. It requires ground beans, which I grind in my Capresso Infinity Conical Burr Grinder, and hot water, which I heat in the microwave or in my teapot. Except for the mug and a splash of milk, this is the entirety of my coffee-making needs. But is this where my coffee gadgets and doodads stop? Oh no.

In my cupboard is a coffee scoop:

Since I pour my coffee beans straight from the bag into the top of the coffee grinder and my coffee grinder only grinds the specific amount of beans you set it to grind, I don’t use a coffee scoop. Additionally, if I did need to measure ground coffee, I would just use a measuring spoon (one cup of coffee requires two tablespoons of ground beans in the AeroPress).

The coffee scoop is minor compared to the Nespresso Single-Serve Espresso Machine sitting on our kitchen counter:

This space hog was our primary coffee maker until it died in 2009 and we bought the AeroPress. We found out, however, that it could be resurrected for very little money, so we had it fixed. The reason we keep it is because it’s great at parties where everyone can choose the exact type of espresso they want and get a customized drink in seconds. (In contrast, it’s difficult to make enough coffee for a group of people with the AeroPress quickly.) But, since becoming parents in 2009, we have only thrown one party where people have used it. One.

We might use it more regularly to make a quick cup for ourselves if it didn’t require ordering special coffee pods from the manufacturer to use in the machine. It’s not like the Keurig machines that have pods available at the grocery store or at Costco. We have to plan a week in advance to get a fresh cup.

Keeping it and not using it is ridiculous since our exact Nespresso model is no longer in production and its value has soared. They sell on eBay and Craigslist for significantly more than what we spent on the machine. We would actually make money if we sold it. I need to sell it. I do.

Do you have coffee unitaskers taking up residence in your home? Are you harboring items you never use? Is there a coffee machine on your countertop that you haven’t touched except for once since 2009? No? Just me?

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