Hasta La Ideas

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

The Tooth Fairy is a vital figure in American culture, as she engages in transactions with children to get rid of the baby teeth that have fallen out of their mouths. That’s the deal — she pays kids for the teeth they SELL to her. I’m a little fuzzy on the facts about what she does with the teeth once she buys them out from under kids’ pillows, but that is irrelevant. She’s not benevolent like Santa Claus; she’s a business woman.

Since the Tooth Fairy takes teeth away, there is absolutely no need in the entire universe for the Baby Tooth Flapbook:

In other parts of the world where the Tooth Fairy doesn’t do business, kids usually throw their baby teeth into the sky or bury them in the ground. Either way, the teeth are NOT saved. There is no need to keep baby teeth because no one is ever going to have use for them after they fall out nor will they display them. (Oh, I so hope no one displays them!)

Another peculiarity about this specific Baby Tooth Flapbook organizer is that it has a blue version for boys and a pink version for girls. Is this because gender is important when preserving baby teeth? How?! HOW IS GENDER IMPORTANT?!!!

Oh, and it’s not just this one company making baby teeth organizers. No, no, no, no, no. There are MORE. Like the Baby Tooth Memory Book and the Toothfairy Keepsake Gift (which stores the teeth in a creepy mouth shape and is advertised with the phrase “What a keepsake!”). Why do so many companies want to take business away from the Tooth Fairy? Let kids get paid for their teeth! Let kids engage in the economy!

Thanks to reader Debbie for sharing this disturbing unitasker with us. Well, I think I’m thankful. If I have nightmares tonight I might rescind my position on that appreciation.

Need help getting organized? Buy the DRM-free audiobook version of Erin Rooney Doland’s Unclutter Your Life in One Week today for only $8.99.