Hasta La Ideas

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week’s unitasker selection comes to us from Britain. Since I have never been to the Isles (only the neighboring continent), I must assume that this device exists in Britain because they do not have washing machines or microwaves. It must be a land lost in time and technological development, and therefore have need for the Hygienic Dishcloth Store:

Though, Unclutterer writer Jacki Hollywood Brown who lives in Britain swears to me they do have washing machines and microwaves. In fact, she says she tosses her dishcloths and sponges into them all the time to clean and disinfect them. She even said it takes the exact same amount of time as it does in the US! She puts a wet sponge or dishcloth in the microwave for two minutes, waits for it to cool, and then uses it to clean because it’s free of mold, mildew, and 99.9 percent of bacteria. Just like I do! There’s an ocean between us, yet we can both kill germs the same way … allegedly.

Inspecting the product description a little more closely, we were both bummed to read that the device requires a “sterilising tablet” to work. So, in addition to the £9.99 price tag for the unit, you also have the ongoing expense of buying tablets to go with it.

However, I was quite intrigued to learn the Hygienic Dishcloth Store is freezer safe. Why? Why does it need to be freezer safe? What is it about Britain that a dishcloth sanitizing unit should be freezable? In this case, being a Canadian by birth, Jacki was not British enough to know what that reason might be. We may never know …

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All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Today’s unitasker selection fits nicely into the “this is an incredibly bad idea” category. At first glance, it might not seem that awful. They’re just an innocent pair of fluffy looking USB Foot Warmer Slippers:

Kissing piggies!

Then, you realize having something on your feet that is attached to your computer is a horrid idea. It’s one thing to absentmindedly walk away from your computer and have earphones yanked out of your ears. It’s a completely different situation when you walk off wearing a pair of slippers attached to your computer. I give your machine about a week before you destroy it. Okay, two days.

Plus, let’s all agree the USB ports on your computer should be used for productive devices like monitors and scanners and back-up hard drives. Let’s leave warming up our feet to socks and non-USB-powered slippers or those heat-pack things.

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All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

At last count, a billion* people had emailed us recommending we feature the Egg Minder Internet Connected Egg Tray:

For the rare few of you who did not email us about this device and have not seen it before, let me give you a quick rundown of its absurdity:

It’s a tray — for $99 — that tracks when you place eggs into it, how many eggs it is holding, and then tells an app on your smartphone this data.

So, if you’re having a conversation with your boss at work and she asks you if you currently have fresh eggs in your refrigerator, you’ll know the answer immediately.

If you’re being tortured and what stands between you and death is knowing how many eggs you have in your refrigerator, you’ll get to live.**

If you want to egg that politician you don’t like***, you can check an app on your phone to know if your eggs are rotten and will be stinky when you throw them at him.

If you’re in a bar and looking to meet a “special friend” for a single night of romance, you’ll know while you’re still getting boozy if you can also make the person breakfast in the morning.****

Seriously, dear readers, I have no idea how anyone could accidentally over buy $99 worth of eggs and have them go rancid while this technology is still supported. I think it would take a person about 40+ years of routinely buying eggs and then not eating them to waste $99 on eggs. And there is no way current smartphones and this tray will be operating 40 years from now.

Something is wrong with the Manufacturing industry. It may be time for an intervention, as I’m pretty sure Manufacturing is drunk. Drunk is the ONLY explanation for this product.

*Number may be a slight exaggeration.
**Unless you are someone in Bryan Mills’ family, this likely will not happen to you.
***Unclutterer does not endorse egging politicians.
****Unclutterer has every reason to assume that showing a person your Egg Minder app will actually reduce your chances of going home with that person.

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All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Like many home cooks heading into the holiday baking season, I am a fan of using silicone coated baking mats. Instead of greasing cookie sheets or lining them with parchment paper, I use the silicone mat. It’s reusable and versatile. In addition to keeping cookies and pastries from sticking to a pan, it’s also perfect for making melted sugar and chocolate embellishments for desserts — they pop right off when they have cooled — and as a pan liner when baking fish. I predominantly use half cookie sheets when baking (they fit in my dishwasher since they’re only 18″ x 13″), and the half-sheet silicone mat works exactly as I need it to.

Reader Mary Ann appears to be on the same page as I am in regard to the versatility of standard silicone mats. As a result, when she came across this week’s highly specialized item, she said she just “HAD to share” it with us. It’s called the Baker’s 13 baking mat, but I’m going to call it a unitasker:

To be fair, nothing is stopping a person from using this mat for other baking purposes. The cookie police likely wouldn’t hunt you down if you tossed a salmon down on it. However, the designers certainly intended for it to be used for cookies.

And — here’s my biggest issue with it and what makes it a unitasker — it doesn’t actually ensure that you’ll have perfectly shaped cookies like the product is advertised to do. From the product description: “Baker’s 13 Ultimate Baking Mats turn out perfectly-shaped cookies every time” But, all it actually ensures is that you evenly space cookies out on a sheet so they probably won’t bump into each other.

To have a perfectly shaped cookie, you would need to use a cookie cutter or bake the cookies in forms. But, this sheet assumes you are using the blob, spooned-out-dough method, which doesn’t make perfectly shaped cookies. Just because there is a perfectly round bullseye on this mat doesn’t mean your blobs of dough will grow to that perfectly round shape as they bake. Also, the mat doesn’t account for the height of your blob of dough, which is a key factor in determining the final size of the baked cookie more so than its pre-baked width. It also doesn’t account for dough consistency, as some cookie doughs spread more than others when heated. (The higher the fat content in the dough, the more they usually spread when cooking.) So, even if you perfectly blobbed your dough onto the smaller target, your cookie still might grow to be larger than the larger target and end up touching a neighboring cookie.

As a silicone mat, I’m sure it’s lovely and the inventors of the mat look like awesome guys and if you have issues with figuring out how to space cookies on a cookie sheet so they don’t run into each other this mat most likely could help you (but so would a multitasking ruler and an understanding of the fat content in your dough). Unfortunately, if you’re looking to buy it to make perfectly shaped cookies as it is advertised, this mat isn’t going to help you achieve that goal.

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All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

With game six of the World Series tonight, football season in high gear, and college basketball season starting this week, I predict a lot of hot wing consumption in Americans’ future. Before you throw your next party (which wouldn’t be complete without hot wings, obviously), check to see if you have these ridiculous unitaskers at hand.

And speaking of hands, there is no sense in expecting you or your guests to eat finger foods with their fingers! That’s just crazy talk. Instead, supply them with Trongs:

“But what about the sauce? I need a unitasker for each person to have for their ranch or blue cheese dressing! I don’t want liquid to touch any plates!”

Don’t get yourself into a tizzy, the good people at Progressive International have you covered. You can increase your party’s unitasker count with help from Dip Cups:

And, your party won’t be complete until you serve your Trong-held wings in the SnacDaddy. Now go on and enjoy watching your favorite sports activity knowing your festivities are sure to be unitasker-riffic!

Thanks to Amanda for helping us track down these hot wing unitaskers.

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