Stop apologizing to guests for the mess
Posted in: UncategorizedI have an extremely annoying habit: The minute anyone walks into my home, after I’ve said my greeting, I apologize for my home being a mess.
I don’t understand why these words fall from my lips. For starters, my home isn’t usually so messy as to bother my guests. There might be a toy or two the kids left out or an abandoned coffee mug on the kitchen table, but nothing they might fall over or need me to address for their comfort. As a result, my comment makes my guest feel as if I’m searching for a compliment (when I’m not) or asking for their approval (which, again, I’m not) about the state of my home.
Second, all it does is call attention to what mess does exist. If I wouldn’t say anything, I can’t imagine they would even pay attention to the toy or mug or whatever objects are out of place. I have young children and my home, obviously, reflects that. No one is ever surprised to see signs of life in a house, with or without children. I don’t live in a design magazine and no one needs to be reminded of that.
Finally, my unnecessary apology gives the impression that I care more about my stuff than I do my guests. Instead of drawing attention to things, I should immediately be inquiring about them. I shouldn’t delay learning about their well-being until after I’ve apologized for my home, but I do, and it drives me mad.
I’m not alone in this behavior. When I started noticing that I was always apologizing to guests about the state of my home, I wondered if it might be because everyone knows I’m the Unclutterer and I feel extreme pressure to have a home like a museum. But then I realized my friends do it, too, and they’re not professional organizers. I walk in their homes and, after they greet me, they also apologize for their homes looking messy. And they admit they say it to everyone, even the UPS driver and mail carrier, not just to the Unclutterer. It’s like a plague, this apologizing.
It’s a bizarre social convention, uttered in one breath: Hello nice to see you I’m sorry my home is a mess please come in.
Well, I’ve had enough. For 2015, I’m going to try my hardest to stop saying this unproductive phrase. No more apologizing because my stuff isn’t perfect.
If on the rare occurrence my home is really so messy as to not be welcoming to guests, I’ll simply greet my guests at the door with my keys and wallet in hand, and we can walk to Starbucks. If my home isn’t out-of-control, I’m going to greet my guests and welcome them into my home and make no mention of how it looks. It’s my house, where I live and work, and it would be strange if it were perfectly tidy every time someone came to my door.
I care more about my guests than I do my things, and I’m going to let my words reflect that.
Do you apologize for the state of your home when guests first arrive? Are you interested in letting go of this unproductive phrase, too? If so, join me in my goal to end this annoying habit. We can think about and work on cleaning and uncluttering and organizing when our guests aren’t in our homes.
Post written by Erin Doland
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